Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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