Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
