I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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