I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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