You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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