it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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