I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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