i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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