Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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