Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize