I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
