capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
