Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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