She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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