barbara walters just said penis...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
