i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
