i think i have two assholes
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
