What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
