If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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