I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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