just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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