Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
