i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
