theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
