Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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