I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
