Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
