Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I look better un-naked...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize