I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
