I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
