are you so shy because you have an std?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
