I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize