Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
