It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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