She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
