Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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