if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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