I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
