I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize