Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
