do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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