You really coming over, don't trick.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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