it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
