There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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