whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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