Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
did i just pee glitter
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize