shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
