Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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