the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
