so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
