a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
