she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
