her vagine was all disorganized.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
