i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
