I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
