I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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