complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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