that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize