My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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