she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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