Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
