she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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