I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So many bounce houses so little time
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
