i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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