mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
