just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
