guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
