I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
