genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
