It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
