I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
