so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
