Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
