i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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