did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
