Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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