last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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