Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize