just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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