she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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