I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
time to smoke my breakfast
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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