I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
