There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
