i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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