Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
