i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
