Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
