Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we made out on top of his cat.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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