he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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