she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
