you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
