So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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