Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sext me about skeletons
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
