i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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